The New Definition of STEWPID

P: My boss' admin is a total idiot. I've always known this from the day I was hired. This week, I had further proof.

She was telling the team that she would be out today and wouldn't be able to pick up a projector from someone else on the floor, so she was looking for someone else to do it.

That's fine, and then she said that the girl to get it from is Tanya, and cc'd her on the group email. Then another email followed from her asking Tanya where her cubicle is.

Tanya sits on the other side of her cubicle and has for the past couple of years.

Can you please tell me why people like this are coddled and allowed to SURVIVE in our world???

Someone please help her buy a freekin' VOWEL, because she needs a CLUE.

M: They thrive because of the same reason that people go to things like piggercity and boost monster's egoes and allow them to propogate. They thrive because peeple let people babble-on. Devo-lution.

P: It is frightening. She so stupid.

Only the Good Things...

P: we need more topics.
yea, we should talk about the whole Mexican thing
let's make some friends...
M: aside from be-atching about peeps? No political talk. boring. obvious. we target peeps. peeps are in our sights. From a view to a kill.
P: 24 is going to be so good tonight
M: I loved when CTU woman bitch-slapped that worm. that dewd, that probably sifts through his boyfriends e-mails and fracking creates a web of insecurity in deceit that permeates the very fabric of the community, to the point that you want some alien force to have embedded this planet with machines, eons ago to destroi us.
P: hmmm sounds like you're talking about Tony. :-)
M: what makes you think that? lets have a week where we only say good thruthful things about people. they're good qualities, the qualities that would make an alien pass buy and be like, I want to get down with these peeps. How would that week go like?
P: it would sound like CRICKETS????
M: I'm laughing../.
P: we can try that for a while... only good things... ONLY GOOD THINGS
M: We can talk about SP3 for a while and avoid certain tangets on that topic. Then we could talk about Cash-E's porn-curements from the land of the ramen-makers.
P: argh, my brain hurts. I can not do this exercise much longer... MUST... TRASH.... SOMEBODY...
I certainly hope that E-CASH is having a wonderful time in Japan. He must be enjoying some wonderful food and culture and meeting up with all his innocent cute Japanese friends.
M: Yeah, people that spend way too much thinking about genocide. On that note, I will check out and get on the fracking trane.
P: you were supposed to think GOOD things

Ban-G Sojourn

P: who can i insult to his face THIS week?
M: Ban-g boi. just let it out.
P: I don't have a problem with Benji
M: search your feelings (LAJ). Remember.
P: what are you? fracking Senator Palpatine?
M: no, fracking Yoder. We jusrt caught someone forging all the signatures on approvals. how could someone be so stupid.
P: maybe they have relatives in JAIL that they want to live with.
eww sourPUSSY just logged on.
M: You just want to kill benji one day and tear out his sack, sick pheremone sack.
P: he's working on a project in Buffalo for daddy #4
i mean #5
remember last year when he went to PA for weeks at a time? he was working a couple out there too.
i mean what's it like to just go from home to home exisitng on the KINDNESS OF STRANGERS!!!!!????????
i swear, i will become a slim asian again. i must turn my body into a ban-G machine!
at least you have to appreciate that he wants people to pool their moneys for him. He doesn't want to be a burden on a single individual... that's so kind of him.
how could you fault him, when he's such a considerate person?
M: We are at the end of the line. Not such a bad place to be, when you peek at whose in front of us.
P: it's like a playground softball team, and not even getting picked from all the kids. We have to WATCH them play with the hot bears...
i must do a ballerina twirl

Rice Paddy Hell

M: Let's go see Wedding Singer the Musical. It sounds soo good.
P: Can we just say we saw it? JLA is looking so cum-dripping. I love him. He's like the Holy Grail of bears I know and love...
M: I concur on that one. But then the benchmark tests are'nt much of a challenge, now, are, they?
P: omigod you look so thin in this album
M: I don't think that you quite make the height class restriction for LAJ. I think that the pattern is emerging (aside from anyone that will love you, will act like I am not there).
P: i loved it on Tues last week, FOAD-TNG just shoved you outta the way to talk to me. and didn't think anything of it. That was SO FUNNY.
M: Demented. I think you need to just act like they are not ther. oops, you already do.
P: I fear that the cute bear and his starving waif will be at Pig Rug tomorrow. I fear that I will be seriously green with jealousy. I will admire him from afar. He's SO CUTE!
i would rather never see him again than see him with that freeky munchkin
M: Of course that situation will be there. Just get mangled in an accident on the way over. Then you might hit his ray-dahr. try to get your face hit and your legs squashed. it may also help out with LAJ when he's around.
P: maybe i'm just not low-hanging fruit.
if i had stupid common denominator stuff going, maybe i could relate to more people. Maybe I should dumb myself down some more to make myself into Low Hanging Fruit.
FROOOOOOOOTTT
M: That Faction is a disturbing one. I can't even imagine what a conversation would be like within that faction. Wat do they speak of, how they tortured prisoners of war or working in the rice paddies?
P: i dug a ditch last weekend so i could hide in the hole and wait for unsuspecting yankees to fall in and KILL
maybe he's an important ambassador for short asian people on a secret mission to Alderaan in the United Nations.
M: yesterday was wasteland. Everyone is just dooing it on the innernet. it is distressing.
P: dewd Norton just blocked a trojan horse attempt on my PC. it's fracking scary.
yesterday at the dugout i was hoping that the cutey would be there with his rice patty nam-BLAH. maybe they're just visiting? i mean I've never seen them before...
M: The original namblah's bee-friend seems to give me nods of hi when I walk past him. I totally blow him off.
P: wng has a BF?
who is the "original namblah"?
M: I'm sorry, the second iteration. the one that hangs out with the new namblah. you are correct wng is the original.
P: KILL-E
M: E-Kill, E-Cash. I heard the funny thing on the way to the horror. Someone was telling his friends, I'm going to the bar to pick up some male.
P: I still like "Special Ed"...
M: Remember, in June when you starve yourself, your body is going to htink youre starving and start storing fat. it will be SUCH fun to watch.
P: i know how to fast. i've done it before.
M: By now you will have metabloized one half of one sausage bit from your pizza last night.
P: i woke up and burped sausage and bacon
M: short, bald, fat men are undermining your destiny. it is time for you to grasp what is due to you.

Weaken'd Ideas

P: moshi moshi
M: sup?
P: getting mentally prepared for frackin annoying status meeting that i am holding.
why do we have to do status calls? doesn't everyone just KNOW what the status of things is?
M: perhaps they are interested in the status of your liver?
P: my liver was given a break last night as I went to food bar with a friend from bowling and had only 2 glasses of white wine.
P: Do you want to see Meow Mix play tonight at East of Eighth? Worst Influence and I are going to see the midnight show.
M: i hope you did not have fracking coco-nut curry. I am seeing circus tonight. I might call you though, cause I might be interested in getting a bite after the circus...
P: yes, i shall be eating and drinking while watching Meow Mix perform.
Hopefully he won't meow on stage
M: the circus is the same night as my GLBT business school dinner and DNO. its like Union of the events I want to go to.
P: MuMu on Monday
M: is it at 12:00AM, thats freekin late. i must be in bed by 12:30 so that I can get up at 7:10 to jymmu eh ikimasu.
is freeekin ka-shew gotten back to you about samson? Tell him to bring back 10 of the past issues.
firedance through the night.
P: he does 2 shows 2nite. One at 10pm and one at midnight. I have to go to the midnight one because I am playing tennis from 9-11.
P: i forgot about asking Cashew Nut about Samson magazine.
M: maybe i'll catch you at the tail end of whilst I am eating there... We might go to wo-hop instead. It depends on how much of lard-ass i want to be... Meow-mix is like the least cock-roach of the italians.
Get him to bring back G-men magazines too.
P: never heard of G-men. Does it come with ra-men?
have you looked at the blog? I posted the choice chats of the past month.
M: id your freekin IM beeping now with messages? its the first Ive heard it... I need to look at that... we need to publicize it...
P: Worst Influence believes we should mask our names even further. He believes that "P" and "M" are way too obvious if we want it to be anonymous.
he thinks I should be "G" and you should be "NY"
M: I like it the way it is... peeps need to see it real. its not liek we're dissing anyone that we care about.
P: exac-ree
M: how do you point someone at the blog?
P: just give them the link: sorewachotto.blogspot.com
M: i'm sending an email to some peeps to look at it.
P: who would wanna read our ranting? your biz skewl friends?
M: yeah... and some high school peeps. certainly not the Cok-Roaches. although maybe they should...
M: dude, we're going to be reading these blogs in our old age and have a heart attach. post them ALL!!!!
M: cancel your stewpid dim sum and come to the karaoke house. bring backwards.
P: we could come after the dimsum. want to do that?
M: if you want... if he can drive out that would be cool (he can bring his paduan thing/guy). of course we'd be heading back around 5PM the next day... I was planning on making sushi.
M: I thought WI was blowing off your DumSim?
P: that would be fine. i think it would be more fun than going to Philly, i think
he is, but his padewan is cumming to the dim sum.
M: chew on it...
M: I would be making Frowzen Day-ohs.
P: 24hours in the hamptons vs. 24hrs with big furry bears in philly... and big mike... in my hotel room...
maybe we could do a season of 24 where we explore the underside of the bear world... dink, dink, dink, dink....
or an alternate scenario of 24hours in the hamptons... we should do that for public access TV
we could call it "24: The Hamptons"
"24: Season 1002 Liberty Bear Weekend"
we could have a cast of thousands. maybe Robert Altman could direct it.
P: Kevin Bacon could just do a walk-on... and perhaps the episodes can involve finding out who threw a Goblin Bomb killing Given Name, Sour PUSSY, Samsung, kill-E, Jar Jar, Dirty Devil, and Unlinked List...
P: the suspects would have to be international. Maybe we could get Fergus to be like a Count Drakoola character who seems like he would kill them, but it's really the meek and innocent Cashew Nut who threw the Goblin Bomb...
maybe because they stepped on one of his pom-poms.
or made fun of his cheerleading skillzzzz
or just because he frackin felt like it.
i think you would have to be suspect too.
Lots of shakey camera... maybe POG or Worst Influence could be the camera men if they had the DT's....
dewd... i just looked at what i've just typed... FAST PASS to HELL!
M: Worst Influence would be singing "Doctor, Doctor" in the background. I almost forgot about Kevin-Bon-Damon. And what business does BM have going to Liberty Bears. He is so not part of the scene. The scene is a dot to him.
Duhd, if you go to Liberty Bears (and it will suck), you better be back for Union of the Creeps on Sunday night.
M: my pewl chemicals are being shipped to the hamptons as we speak. Intenet makes life so sweet. $300 worth of chlorine, algaecide and PH+.
P: does that mean the pool is not an option this weekend? :-) So we can play tennis instead. :-)
i will karaoke to Duran Duran. We can drive in the fog to Thriller. Tennis. Sushi. Frozen Cause-Mows. Breakfast with dripping bacon. What more could we ask for? Are there supposed to be other people at the house this weekend? or would it just be for us blahg boyz?
BM scorns the scene but he is needed because he will be cum-dripping.

i am SO HUNGOVER

P: i am SO HUNGOVER
i think i must have had 12 beers.
M: yeah and fracking shots.
M: google: alcoholics therapee sessions, New York
P: that and order nicotine patches.... i am becoming addicted to cigarettes
i woke up coughing!
will you help me get a job when i get fired for showing up drunk?
M: Inane things that Penguins do not engage in : (See above)
Accelerated Oar packing/Boat Ride off of San marino.
M: That guy last night is so cock-ROACH. I was talking to Original recipe about him and he concurs as to his sliminess. Notice that he always pushes in after someone finishes talking with that person?
P: Which guy?
ok Jeff from LA is telling me about his sexploits in FTL. DO I REALLY NEED TO HEAR THIS STUFF!?!?!?
M: NVA-Negative Value Add
I need Jeff from LA.
P: Jeff from LA is mine. Don't touch.
:-)
NVA = COCK roach
but i think he's a nice cock roach
even tho he will CB me right in front of my face... he's OK. I've known him a LONG time.
i think there's some irony about Original Recipe saying that Nice Cock Roach is slimy.
P: I don't think it's fair to say that because Nice Cock Roach is not a two-faced, code-red cock blocker that will practically push you out of the way to talk to the hot guy you're talking to. That's not him at all... you must be mistaken.
M: Bonnie and Fracking Clyde... until the last cell of Liver explodes... the only reason that Roach has hooked up with you is that you will enable him (he is the parasit hanging on the shark, that's you, taking him to the feed). he knows I would never enable him, and therefore stays clear. Roaches. Squash.
i am so sending Jeff a lude IM.
P: Jeff will be like "who the frack is this?"
make sure that ban-G is not around when he comes to NYC again.
M: its going to be so lude.
P: dewd, i still havent told you about that crazee club that we went to after pig rug. apparently i had my shirt off. and so did Worst Influence. Sadly, i don't even fracking remember this! I need an intervention.
last night was a total blur. I don't even remember any of the faces from pig rug, which is really messed up. i guess i shouldn't show up at a bar without money again, because i ended up having drinks in my hand CONTINUOUSLY! NOT GOOD! NOT GOOD!
do you think red would have been a longer-lasting fascination if he came out more frequently?
M: You mean Replacement 3.5?
He didnt drink enough for you so it never took. there is a minimum drink limit with you.
M: at least you can take the money you saved by not having money last night and invest it in Janus International Fund A so that you can bid for that liver in the near FUTURE.
P: i am mentally preparing for liver failure. I think I am getting liver spots around my pearl white skin.

Vito on Sopranos seems cute

M: Vito on Sopranos seems cute (especially bio on HBO.com)
P: he's causing quite the stir on that show because he likes bears, and he's the gay character
M: Island was very good (seriously cool stuff). Last night was the Death Toll of going to the movies ever again for me.
The actor lives in the rockaways and is a life long brooklynite. I'm sure Dirty Devil is stalking him right now.
P: Maybe you should start watching the Sopranos in HD. It looks really great
M: No. 24 is now slotted for the open position.
Given that the only show on tv I watch now is BSG (and curb whenever it will come back).
P: did you watch 24 last night? I put it on as soon as I got home. What a great show.
M: no I the Island last night and watched "mirror Mirror part 1" of enterprise. it was the parallel universe ep of enterprise which sucked (the writing was so cookie cutter). they had a kirk era enterprise in it though. looked cool in high def
the non-high def transmissions of HD shows like Enterprise on nbc actually look better than STD (looks half way HD.)
P: Enterprise does look good for SD.
I had to do a double take on Sunday because it looked so good.
fracking owners of the Star Trek franchise should get a CLUE from the success of BSG and create a show that is more like a space soap opera too with a continuous storyline.
M: problem is that when they did that the show always went to crap (with the stooooopidddd Dominion war, the STToOOOOpiiidd Suliban, the stupid Cardassians). trek like X-files best exists as one off epidsodes that are really well written (like short stories).
P: they had a chance to serialize Voyager, but they didn't really take advantage of it.
BSG can do it well because they have good writers. If Star Trek franchise had good writers they could achieve similar success.
They need characters that people REALLY LIKE. I hated Riker, and the Dr. characters, and Leave Out Burton.
M: they had thumbs up their bums/
P: Enterprise started out wth likeable characters.
M: did you want Leave-Ahr Burton to SIT at the OTHER table?
P: YESSSS!!!
Heheh we should throw a party and set aside the OTHER table going forward. it's a good placeholder for the somewhat undesirables.
M: whi is it to get some action these days you have to be a fat bastard or waif thin. when did we drop off the memu?
P: i am going to make myself into a Ban-G waif
M: Smeegul
P: i want to be ultra skinny so you can see my veins.
M: CONVINCE ME NOT TO ASSIGN THE SMEEGUL IP ADDRESS TO YOU KNOW WHO... BE ELOQUENT IN YOUR CONVINCING ME...
P: Ban-G isn't good enough?
or is that for kill-E
M: MULTIPLE IP ADDRESS. ITS JUST THAT SMEEGUL IS A FREE ADDRESS. IT REQUIRES ASS-IGNMENT.
WE NEED TO ASSIGN ONE TO KILL-E.
I WANT TO BE CRAFTY ON THAT ONE.
YOU REALIZE IF YOU STEP BACK AND READ THESE TRANSCRIPTS, WE ARE SERIOUSLY DEMENTED.
P: yes, i read them all last night when i was about to create the blog.
i don't think you should call ban-G by "smeaghoul" because ban-G is not a slimy, opportunistic, gold digging creature who used to be normal but was transformed by greed and jealousy.
M: OK THATS FUNNY. ASSIGNMENT IS OFFICIAL
P: don't you think there will be IP conflict with the bar, which we call smeagol?
M: it will allow for confusing statements like did Smeagul take off to the Smeegel with his 4 dads?
P: i was jsut on the phone with someone else who doesn't speak to Dirty Devil anymore.
there's a universe of people who HAVE self-esteem who would never speak to Dirty Devil, and a world of people (much more) who fall into the Dirty Devil's trap and are somehow captivated by him.
i would like to call R by "Fuck Face" because that is really waht I think when I look at him. Either that or "Sour Pussy?".
Sour PUSSY
heheh
how about "Tard-Ass-ian"
M: R has Latin genome. As we know, the latin genome has resulted in agressive strains. Kill-E is worse. just WORSE!!
P: Sour PUSSY
kill-E is kind of funny. it is working for me.
Kill-E, Ban-G, POG... they all rhyme.
M: Kill-E will be my masterpiece. I will sit on that one for a while.
P: hehe let's use Kill-E for now then until we get a better IP address for him.
i like "Sour PUSSY"
it will make for some really good puns
you are going to have to cum up with a really good one for LL. We can't just go around using his name everywhere
i wonder what kinda nite it will be a pig rug tonight
P: you wanna hear something funny? on saturday, i met with someone online who received a call from Given Name while we were eating. i was immediately turned off by the guy i was with because anyone who would go to a movie with Given Name on a saturday night MUST BE A LOSER
M: We must become manipulators. How is it that we cannot manipulate these peeps into interfering with each other?
P: manipulating means caring... and i don't care that much about these CB-ers
M: Do you care about the roaches that scramble about your apartment? Yes you do.
P: who can we call cock-roach?
M: someone vile.
i'm laughing right now.
It can be floating... you can assign it to sour PUSSY, I can assign it to Ban-g
it will be the creep of the day... like cofee of the day.
P: that sounds like a good general term
M: i kind of want to assign it to LL. but like it to be floating.
im still laughing
still laughin
P: we need a roach motel for all the cock-roaches!!!!
fucking COCK-roach!
all of them!
(begin ballerina twirl)Noooooooo!!(/end)
M: the anti-wonderwoman twerl.

Let's become DJs

P: are you hung over today?
M: no. i start early enough so my body metabolizes it in a timely fashion. my eyes are killing me though.
P: i am aching a bit from tennis that's all. i didn't wake up til 9:30
M: JarJar wants to becoem a DJ. What is this, the default "occupation" for the directionless and inane? You're equating your life purpose with a three line code "shuffle" subroutine.
P: JarJar has exactly what it takes to be a DJ -- ONE brain cell.
M: we should all become DJs. its so kewel.
P: yes, i can just hit the shuffle button and then play.
it's such sophisticated work
it's a big jack-off session, because you have to think that you know music better than anyone else in the room.